To the Personification of Misery:

Hey, you. Yeah, you, the hideous lady in your Subaru going the wrong way in the Centennial King Soopers car park Memorial Day evening. You know who you are.


Thanks for giving us the opportunity to show our daughter what utter and complete contempt you have for humanity. Thanks for letting us show her what someone consumed by self-loathing looks like, and how they act. Thanks for demonstrating what truly is at the core of liberalism, hedonism, consumerism, and all the other -isms this world holds as values.

I don’t have to tell you, I was in the right: I was, after all, going the right way; but you already know that. It was clear to everyone who witnessed it as you shoved food into your massive gob. But hey, since you’ve already sunk to such depths as you have, you may as well try to spread your misery with the same effectiveness as your ass spreads across your couch. We used this unpleasant encounter with you to demonstrate to our child what a miserable being looks like, who acts this way to everyone she encounters, and reacts with ill-gained glee when she thinks she’s getting her way. Though warning you is pointless, you should – or do – know, it’s always only temporary.

Ultimately when you die alone and unloved, unmourned, you’ll have reaped the rewards of your actions here.


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