The Colorado Parks and Wildlife employee that parked this truck was carrying a sidearm. Never mind the fact that the only reason a parks and wildlife employee should be armed is as a representative of an oppressive, authoritarian, fascist government, let’s ask an even more fundamental question:
If he couldn’t hit a target as large as a parking space with his truck, why should I have any confidence in his ability to properly use his sidearm?
I woke up early yesterday morning with a question on my mind.
If a company were to invent an insecticide that was not directly harmful to humans and the surrounding plant life; but wiped out mosquitos and their larvae, would you use it? Should you use it? What would the implications of something like that be?
1. Never Be Without Your Burger
Sort of speaks for itself.
2. Never Miss An Opportunity to Sue
It turns out the Entire Store was indeed more than 12.99. When I offered to buy the store — as an investment property — she wasn’t interested. I made vague threats about false advertising, and my attorney will do the rest… not forgetting to mention the anguish (both mental and otherwise), whiplash, deep embarrassment or any other thing I suffered that will eventually increase the settlement amount of my lawsuit.
3. Always Advertise with Sexual Innuendo
Weekends will be spent worshipping the great god Consumerism — because everything you bought last weekend is now out of fashion and needs to be replaced. The Economy depends on it, after all; and saving is for losers.
Obligatory Legal Disclaimers/Fine Print (because “Murica”)
Author (hereinafter “I”, “we”) assumes no liability if reader (“you”) has little understanding of humorous concepts or tongue-in-cheek; or if you have undergone any medical procedures such as humorectomy or religious conversion to liberalism that precludes your enjoyment of levity and/or other humorous applications of observation. We also don’t care if you’re “triggered”, “offended”, or otherwise put out: grow up and learn what ‘freedom’ means. We would have wished you a nice day, but our lawyers suggested it wasn’t a good idea.
Behind this rather ludicrously attired Hyundai, it seems Barbie’s fallen: from the Corvette to the Jeep to this thing. I bet it uses a quarter of its meager horsepower just accelerating this license plate frame.
Why do people not properly adjust their wing mirrors and instead buy ‘blind spot detection systems’ when that’s what wing mirrors are for anyway, included at no extra charge with the car? And at the same time, they won’t buy a hands-free system for their phone?